Hey hey

On my love adventure: I had a moment of truth yesterday. At least it looked like one. I think we mistake real moments of truth of real moments of avoidance, but anyway. I am to see a girl tonight that is supposed to change the whole thing. She is gorgeous, funny, and for some most hardly understandable reason she has a crush on me. I think this has to do with the fact that I am leaving this country for 6 month and no strings are attached if we do just anything. By the way its amazing how this feature is enough to screw around.. anyway.
So I am seeing her I am going to change. Yesterday I spent maybe a little even too much time with the girl of the Perfect Simle. Basically the takeway was that there are two guys around her, and combining them would be a perfect match, however she is now stuck in between. Somehow I get the feeling that its a 70%percent him in the perfect outcome but that is beyond the point. "I will work it out" she told me, I guess she meant she will find out we have anything to do as guy wants a girl. Shit, I mean what kind of thing is that to say to just anyone. You are ok, but not good enough, the other guy is leaving as well so I will work something out, or no, because you are leaving. Gut answer: "Huh?! You must be kidding me.." Now in reality I am all beyond that.. nothing can really shock me anymore. I guess I had an extrended number of blows and they can now only make me smile. So what is going to happen, I will go and have the best of times with this other girl, and fight fire with fire. Tomorrow all I will have inside is chaos with just about too many forces within to try to understand the thing, and I will enjoy fact that I dont really care anymore. People. I am leaving. This is just a perfect leave. Almost like in Nick Honrby's (Hillarious) book. When you are ready to end your life on top of a 15 storey building. and meet others that came for the same thing, street laws dont apply. You are beyond that. Same thing here, I am ready to jump and enjoy the freedom of fucking the whole thing up. God I love my life!

I feel a little sorry for the moment-of-truth Mona Lisa, though. She will never be happy this way. She does not know how to. I have a feeling I am not going to show her anymore, but she will regret that she missed it. This is not advertising myself, dont get me wrong, this really makes me sad. For her and for my sake of sanity.

Be good. No.. wait.. dont be good, be bad. Be free. Ahh man, for fucks sake do anything that makes your blood boil in you veins.