Maybe its just too early to do this, but I really feel like it now. Before I leave this 2 million village, I want honesty to kick in. I belive one should use BIG WORDS with care, but I am sure I will want to return, but I am not sure if that is going to be within the next decade.

Mybe you guys know this feeling.. I still feel like loving my ex girl. Is that a real feeling? Isnt that just jealousy that probably someone else calls her "mybaby"? Damn hard to distinguish and I am really struggling to do so. For whatever reason (i used to blame her for this) I am always aware when she meets someone else. I called her twice this month, always in a bad time. If I want to be mean to myself maybe that is because she is always on a date. Probably not so, not that it would be any of my business after all. The thing is that there are two forces tearing me apart from inside. Something that is pulling me towards her like crazy, ordering me to sacrifice anything that comes in the way.. would it be pride, esteem, ego, my own good mood.. On the other hand I feel pain and sorrow because I guess these feelings are not true, and I do not have the intention to test them. I know there was magic between me and her, so perfect I would not even believe it would exist if I had not experienced it. I have seen a lot of people destroying, and hurting their own beautiful memories so they could move on easy. My battle now is to keep my memories as perfect as they were, and at the same time learn to live with the feeling that they are gone.


I think I talk about my ex too much in this matter. The other side of the coin is me really. I was dating a wonderful girl in the last, -say- three month. She rocked my world, in every way possible. The way she was. The person she was. Someone most extraordinary. Stiff as a rock.. sometimes mean, but emotionally intelligent as one can be, hiding the whole thing behind the most gorgeous, flawless smile out there. She touched my. She has got problems though. If anyone, than she is lost inside. Somehow she is like if she were making sure she is never completely happy.. I guess its the dumbest reasoning, but when we carry big bags, we carry them from home. 2 days ago I said goodbye to her for 6 months, maybe eternity, but I owe her a universe. I tend to think too much (not so much of surprise for a reader of this blog :D) and I found someone that thought even more. Not only that but she really had the guts to kick my ass when I needed. Something I never had before.

I wish these two ladies were happy. There is no space for me by their side now. Maybe never anymore, but beware girls.. Stemo papa is always going to have a guarding eye on you, without you even noticing.